Discover why most arguments aren’t about facts, but hidden feelings and needs. Learn a proven method to transform conflicts into conversations that actually solve problems.
The story
What if I told you most conflicts aren’t about what we disagree on, but how we say it?
After 30 years of studying human communication, I’ve noticed something fascinating: we think we’re just stating facts, when we’re actually piling on judgments without realizing it. That’s why I developed Practical Empathy Practice [PEP].
Here’s the core idea: state what happened, not what you think about what happened. Instead of “you never listen,” try “I noticed you were looking at your phone during our conversation.” One triggers defenses. The other opens dialogue.
The real magic happens when you spot the feelings and needs beneath the surface. Most arguments aren’t about the dishes in the sink – they’re about feeling respected. Once you see that, everything shifts.
And requests? They’re game-changers. Drop the demands. Try “Would you be willing to…” instead of “You need to…” It’s simple but powerful.
Here are the absolute no-no’s I’ve learned:
– Treating your opinions as universal facts
– Using words that judge or shame
– Avoiding responsibility for your part
Want to master this? I break down the complete system in Chapter 3 of “A Practical EmPath: Rewire Your Mind.” It’s transforming how people communicate, and I’d love to show you how.
Because once you get this, you’ll never see conflicts the same way again.
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