My neighbor almost turned into an enemy over a fence dispute until I used one simple empathy technique. What happened next surprised us both and led to an unexpected friendship.
The story
Last week, I watched my neighbor completely shut down during what started as a simple conversation about our shared fence line. His face went red, arms crossed, and suddenly we were in standoff mode.
Old me would have gotten defensive too. But practical empathy changed everything.
Instead of pushing back, I took a breath and really looked at him. Here’s a guy who just moved in, probably feeling overwhelmed by home ownership, and now some stranger is talking about property lines. Of course he’s stressed.
“This feels like a lot right now, doesn’t it?” I said.
His shoulders dropped. “Yeah, actually. I have no idea what I’m doing with any of this stuff.”
Twenty minutes later, we’re laughing about first-time homeowner disasters and planning to tackle the fence project together.
This is what I call practical empathy. It’s not about being a pushover or fixing everyone’s problems. It’s about seeing the full picture – both the practical stuff and what’s happening emotionally for the other person.
When you lead with empathy, something shifts. People stop defending and start being real with you. Difficult conversations become collaborative problem-solving sessions.
I’ve been using this approach for years, and it’s transformed every relationship in my life. My marriage got stronger. Work became less stressful. Even random interactions with strangers became more meaningful.
The best part? The more you practice it, the more real you become too. When you’re not busy judging or defending, you can just be yourself.
Want to learn how to rewire your brain for better connections? Chapter 1 of my book “A Practical EmPath Rewire Your Mind” walks you through the exact steps I used.
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