Most business leaders think empathy weakens negotiations. Wrong. Cognitive empathy – understanding someone’s thoughts without feeling their emotions – gives you strategic advantage while building connection.
The story
Here’s the thing about negotiations that most business leaders get wrong: they think empathy makes you weak.
I used to believe this too. Until I discovered cognitive empathy changes everything.
See, there are two types of empathy. Emotional empathy is when you feel what others feel – and yeah, that can derail your objectives. But cognitive empathy? That’s understanding someone’s thoughts and perspectives without drowning in their emotions.
This isn’t about being nice. When you understand someone’s position intellectually rather than emotionally, you can make more objective decisions while still connecting with them effectively.
Here’s what cognitive empathy really gives you:
Better understanding. You see their real interests, not just their stated positions. You can better anticipate their concerns and motivations.
Strategic awareness. You know when they’re ready to hear your proposal versus when they need to be heard first.
Professional connection. People are more likely to engage when they feel understood, while you maintain your strategic focus.
The key is balance. Use empathic insights to craft proposals that feel like wins for them while advancing your objectives. It’s leverage disguised as understanding.
Most negotiators think it’s about pressure. Wrong. The fastest way to influence someone is through genuine understanding of what drives them.
Stop leaving money on the table. Start understanding the person across from you.
I dive deep into these techniques in Chapter 19 of “A Practical EmPath Rewire Your Mind.”
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