Published 2025-10-09 18-39
Summary
Most communication advice teaches us that other people control our emotions. That’s backwards. You own your feelings and responses – no one controls how you react without your permission. Once you understand this, you stop being a victim of others’ words and start building real connection.
The story
I’m going to level with you about something most communication advice gets backwards.
We’ve been taught that other people make us feel things. That someone can “make you angry” or “make you happy.” But here’s the truth – that’s not how it actually works.
People trigger emotions in us, sure. But what we do with those triggers? That’s on us. You own your feelings. You own your power. No one gets to control how you respond without your permission.
This matters because once you get this, everything changes. You stop being a victim of other people’s words and actions. You start taking responsibility for your own emotional responses.
Chapter 3 of my book “A Practical EmPath Rewire Your Mind” breaks down what I call the “No No’s” of connection – things like jumping in with advice nobody asked for, offering reassurance before someone’s ready, making comparisons, using judgmental language.
I also get into the difference between cognitive empathy and sympathy. Understanding someone’s perspective doesn’t mean you have to feel what they’re feeling. The goal is to understand, not to absorb their emotions.
The chapter introduces the OFNR method – Observation, Feeling, Need, Request. It’s practical stuff that actually works.
This isn’t fluffy self-help. It’s about taking back control of your emotional life and building real connection with people.
For more from Chapter 3 of my “A Practical EmPath Rewire Your Mind” book, visit
https://clearsay.net/chapter-3-core-principles-and-no-nos-of-pep.
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Keywords: Empathy, emotional ownership, communication control, personal responsibility
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