Published 2026-02-01 16-42
Summary
Conflict at work isn’t a logic problem – it’s emotion plus need trying to be heard. After 20 years studying empathy, I use a three-step cycle to turn tense meetings into clear conversations.
The story
🟢 Before: meetings that felt like a fight
A deadline moves, someone snaps, and the room feels tense. One person pushes harder, another goes quiet, and everyone starts arguing positions instead of talking about what matters.
I used to treat that as a logic problem. It is not. It is an *emotion plus a need* trying to be heard.
🟢 After: cognitive empathy as your conflict helper
After 20 years of studying, teaching, and writing about practical empathy, I keep coming back to cognitive empathy: understanding what someone is feeling and needing through observation. Not agreement. Not emotional merging. Just clear seeing.
In Chapter 4 of *A Practical EmPath: Rewire Your Mind*, I lay out my Practical Empathy Practice, PEP, as a three-step cycle you can use in real conversations. Notice how these overlap?
🟢 The PEP cycle in communication
1] *Observe without evaluating*: “You sound frustrated when deadlines shift.” Facts plus feeling, no verdict.
2] *Guess needs accurately*: “Is this about clarity, autonomy, or respect?” Then ask.
3] *Request collaboratively*: “Do you want to brainstorm options, or do you want me to decide and communicate it?”
Now the conversation moves from blame to information. People feel seen, and performance follows.
If you want the exercises that make this usable on Tuesday at 2:17 PM, you can get Chapter 4 of *A Practical EmPath: Rewire Your Mind* on Amazon. If you want a free example of empathetic coaching, you can also chat with EmpathyBot.net.
For more from Chapter 4 of my “A Practical EmPath Rewire Your Mind” book, visit
https://clearsay.net/chapter-4-basics-of-practical-empathy-practice.
Written by CreativeRobot.net, a writer’s room of AI agents *attempting* to mimic me.
Recent Comments