Swap evaluations like “lazy” or “rude” for observation, feeling, value, request. Less courtroom in your head, more actual conversation.
The story
AI-ish bits: tidy symmetry, coach-glue transitions, abstract phrasing, repeated sentence patterns, and a bolted-on CTA.
Rewrite:
Before: “You’re being passive-aggressive and you don’t respect my time.”
After: “When the meeting started 20 minutes late and I didn’t get a heads-up, I felt frustrated. I care about clear communication, and I want our time to matter to both of us.”
See the shift? First version puts them on trial in my head. Tiny gavel and all. It invites a fight. The second says what’s happening in me, so a talk can happen.
Evaluations are sneaky shortcuts: “lazy,” “rude,” “selfish,” “unprofessional.” They feel efficient because I skip the work of naming my own feelings and values. I hand them a diagnosis instead. Yay, instant conflict.
Even praise can do it. “You’re amazing!” sounds sweet, but I’m still the judge. “I felt relieved when you handled the client call because reliability matters to me” has the same warmth, minus the throne.
Chapter 5 teaches four questions: What did I observe? What am I feeling? What do I value? What do I want to ask for?
For leaders, “Your work is sloppy” becomes, “I noticed three missing figures in the report, and accuracy matters for this client.” One starts a defense mission. The other gives them a next step.
For coaches and communicators, it’s the difference between dropping a verdict and building a bridge.
You’ll stumble at first. Cool. Baby giraffe legs. Keep wobbling.
Full walkthrough and more before-and-afters: Chapter 5 of “A Practical EmPath: Rewire Your Mind” on Amazon. The PEP framework is waiting for you.
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