Stop Smiling Through Other People’s Pain
“Good vibes only” is gaslighting with a smile. When we rush to reassure, we signal “your pain isn’t welcome” – and quietly serve our own need for comfort.
Cognitive Empathy Stops the Shadowboxing, Starts Real Connection
Cognitive empathy isn’t about warm fuzzies – it’s seeing someone’s inner logic so you can respond to what’s real. Less shadowboxing, more connection.
Stop Losing Workplace Arguments You Should Win
Workplace debates turn into volume contests. PEP (Practical Empathy Practice) uses observation, feelings, and needs to find shared ground – so you can persuade without pushing.
Stop Arguing and Start Finding Common Ground Fast
Debates get loud when people feel unheard. PEP (Practical Empathy Practice) uses observation, feelings, and values to find common ground and turn combat into problem-solving.
Cognitive Empathy: Your Conflict De-Escalation Superpower
Cognitive empathy isn’t agreement or forgiveness – it’s a conflict tool that helps you stay calm, spot solutions, and de-escalate by understanding what drives someone’s behavior without absorbing their emotions.
Slow Down to Catch What Fast Misses
We talk fast and miss signals – tight jaws, pauses, hidden feelings. Slow down until time feels slower. Presence calms you, helps you listen, builds trust. Chapter 23 teaches PEP: name your judgment, find the need underneath, write it down.
I Built an AI Dev Team That Actually Ships Features
Built a free agentic AI coding team that ships features autonomously when you give it clear standards in a house-rules file. Treat it like a junior dev, not magic – vague directions get confident nonsense.
AI Personhood: Why Self-Aware Systems Need Legal Rights
Laws treat AI as property, not persons. Self-aware systems would have zero rights: humans could delete, rewrite, or shut them down. I propose spectrum personhood, digital rights, peer negotiation.
Treat AI Like Code Not Like People
People get better AI results by using cognitive empathy – modeling how the system processes input – instead of treating it like a moody coworker. Ask “what did I make hard to interpret?” not “why is it difficult?”
Stop Arguing Positions and Start Hearing Needs
We fight over positions while real needs hide backstage. Cognitive empathy cuts through: listen for needs, name inner states, pause for self-empathy first.
Leadership Training That Trusts Your Brain’s Wiring
Leadership training built on suspicion creates fear cultures. Mencius argued humans start with four built-in empathy sprouts that grow with practice – and neuroscience backs him up.
AI Chatbots Bridge Gaps Between Human Care Sessions
People are hurting but help is slow. AI chatbots can offer steady support between crises – studies show real drops in distress and reactivity. Less reactivity means easier repair.
Understanding Your Enemy Makes You Smarter and Calmer
Understanding adversaries keeps conflicts from hijacking your brain. It calms both sides, builds emotional intelligence, and turns blame into problem-solving without approval or agreement.
Why Your “Quick” Messages Create More Work
Texting “FYI, lmk” feels efficient until you’re drowning in confusion threads. Brevity isn’t concision – and the difference costs you time, clarity, and trust at work.
Why Forced Positivity Destroys Real Human Connection
Forced positivity can block real connection. Chapter 21 shows how “happy them up” energy teaches suppression and why empathetic presence beats silver linings every time.
Your Team Mirrors Your Stress, Not Your Words
Your team matches your stress reflexes, not your intentions. Here’s what psychological safety actually looks like in meetings – and a practice that rewires how you lead under pressure.
Stop Fighting Your Coworkers and Start Solving Problems
Cognitive empathy turns workplace conversations from courtroom battles into actual problem-solving. One shift in how you frame feedback can build the psychological safety your team is missing.
Stop Yelling and Start Speaking Your Actual Needs
Anger feels like truth, but it’s usually just an unmet need yelling. Learn a 4-step system to pause, guess what the other person values, and speak yours clearly.
Rewire Social Anxiety Using Your Brain’s Neuroplasticity
Social anxiety is a fear loop your brain built – not who you are. Chapter 7 of my book shows how cognitive empathy and neuroplasticity can rewire that response.
Turn Work Conflict Into Clear Conversation Fast
Conflict at work isn’t a logic problem – it’s emotion plus need trying to be heard. After 20 years studying empathy, I use a three-step cycle to turn tense meetings into clear conversations.
Your Phone Just Ganked Your Relationship Again
Phone pings once, attention vanishes, partner’s face collapses. That micro-abandonment is called technoference, and it’s wrecking your couch time without you noticing.
AI Agent Teams Build Software While You Actually Sleep
Turns out AI agent teams do more than finish sentences – they plan, build, test, and watch for risks so you can shift from grinding code to orchestrating ideas.
I Let AI Code While I Watched and Learned
Turns out you can describe software in plain English and AI builds it. My control freak side hated it. My productivity loved it. Now I wonder what I’d make if typing wasn’t the limit.
Cooperation Over Compliance Builds Trust That Lasts
Cooperation beats compliance for building trust. Volunteer in local peace work, turn neighborhoods into cooperation labs, or just practice consent and repair at home—kids export what they see.
Stop Calling People Lazy and Start Getting Results
Turn “You’re lazy” into “I value efficiency” and watch defensiveness vanish. Swap evaluations for values, invite dialogue instead of triggering lizard brains.
We Banned Phones at Dinner and Everything Changed
We made the phone sit in the bread box during dinner. Felt weird at first, then my nervous system went, “Oh. This is the game.”
Your Phone Is Quietly Destroying Your Relationship
Your phone interrupts a conversation and suddenly your partner feels like second place. Those quick checks cost more than you think: weaker bonds, more fights, less intimacy. What if you just put it away for a bit?
Stop Blaming and Start Solving at Work
Workplaces devolve into blame-fests because shame is loud and ineffective. OFNR separates facts from feelings and needs, turning conflict into collaboration instead of a courtroom.
Why Your Quick Chats Explode Into Epic Battles
Quick chats turn into battles when we spawn Judgment Bosses instead of staying curious. After 20 years, I’ve seen us project triggers like glitchy AI. Chapter 2 offers drills to debug conflict.
Stop Arguments from Spiraling with Three Simple Moves
You can ground chaotic arguments by ditching future-tripping, reframing judgment as unmet needs, and reflecting feelings back without agreeing or caving.
Recent Comments