Holding grudges drains you. Instead of mentally rehearsing arguments, I tried understanding their perspective. This unexpected shift didn’t just change how I viewed them—it reduced my stress and revealed truths about myself.
The story
Ever notice how draining it is to hold a grudge? I caught myself mentally rehearsing arguments with someone who hurt me and realized I was just exhausting myself.
What helped was trying something unexpected: attempting to understand their perspective. Not excusing what they did – just trying to see where they were coming from.
The surprising part? This mental shift didn’t just change how I saw them – it changed me.
When we practice empathy toward people we consider “enemies,” we’re actually strengthening our own emotional muscles. It’s like cross-training for your heart and mind.
There’s also physical relief. That tension headache I’d been carrying started to fade when I stopped seeing the conflict as a battle to win. Turns out, trying to understand others actually lowers our stress levels.
What I found most valuable was what empathy revealed about myself. When I tried to understand their perspective, I discovered my own hidden assumptions beneath my anger. Those revelations showed me parts of myself I needed to work on.
Being able to hold different viewpoints – even ones you disagree with – opens up solutions you couldn’t see before.
This isn’t about letting people off the hook. It’s about freeing yourself from the weight of anger while building your ability to understand complex human situations.
The person who benefits most when you practice empathy might just be you.
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