I thought empathy was weakness until my business partner betrayed me. Instead of staying angry, I tried understanding his motives. It changed everything and turned our conflict into collaboration.
The story
I used to think empathy was weakness. That showing understanding to someone who hurt me meant I was letting them win.
Then I discovered something that changed everything.
When my business partner betrayed me years ago, I spent months consumed by rage. Every conversation in my head was about how wrong he was, how evil his motives were. I was exhausted, bitter, and stuck.
That’s when I started experimenting with something counterintuitive: empathizing with my enemy.
Not excusing his behavior. Not pretending we were friends. Just trying to understand what drove him to act that way.
I listened beyond my own hurt and discovered he was terrified of failure. His family was struggling financially. The betrayal came from desperation, not malice.
Something shifted in me. The knot in my chest loosened. My anger lost its grip.
Within weeks, we found a solution that worked for both of us. He got the security he needed. I got my business back on track. What started as warfare became collaboration.
This approach isn’t about being naive or letting people walk over you. It’s about recognizing that the stories we tell ourselves about our enemies often trap us more than they do.
When you drop the villain story and get curious about what’s really driving someone, you free up all that energy you were spending on resentment. You open doors to solutions you never saw coming.
The person who hurt you isn’t going away. But your experience of them can transform completely.
Try this: next time you’re in conflict, ask yourself what might be true about their situation that you haven’t considered. Listen for the fear or pain underneath their actions.
You might be surprised what becomes possible when you approach your enemy with genuine curiosity instead of judgment.
This is exactly what Chapter 16 of my book covers – how to transform enemies into allies through strategic empathy.
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