I discovered gratitude isn’t something you feel – it’s something you build. My Practical Empathy Practice starts with understanding what I actually need, then extends that same awareness to others.
The story
I used to think gratitude was something you just felt – or didn’t. Like it was supposed to show up on its own when life was going well.
But I’ve learned gratitude isn’t passive. It’s built. And the tool I use to build it is what I call Practical Empathy Practice.
Here’s how it works: I start with myself. When I’m stressed or overwhelmed, I pause and ask what I’m actually feeling and what I need. Maybe I’m exhausted and need rest. Maybe I’m frustrated and need clarity. Just naming it – that’s self-empathy.
And something shifts when I do that. Instead of spiraling, I start noticing what’s actually working. Like the time I was drowning in work pressure, and I stopped to ask myself what I enjoyed about my job. Suddenly, gratitude wasn’t forced. It just appeared.
Then I take it outward. I listen to others the same way – not to fix or agree, but to see what’s alive in them. What are they feeling? What do they need? When I get clear on that, misunderstandings dissolve. Connection deepens.
This is what I call the Virtuous Spiral: self-empathy leads to empathy for others, which naturally opens the door to gratitude.
I don’t manufacture it. I don’t fake it. I just notice what’s true, accept it, and let gratitude grow from that soil.
In Chapter 9 of my book, A Practical EmPath: Rewire Your Mind, I walk through this process step by step. I share exercises, real examples, and how this practice has changed my relationships and my sense of well-being.
Gratitude isn’t a destination. It’s a practice. And it starts with empathy – for yourself, first.
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