I thought gratitude was something you either felt or didn’t. Wrong. The secret isn’t forcing thankful feelings – it’s using empathy practice to create conditions where real appreciation naturally grows from understanding.
The story
I used to think gratitude was something you either felt or didn’t. Turns out I was completely wrong.
The problem wasn’t that I lacked appreciation – it was that I didn’t understand how gratitude actually grows. I kept trying to force thankful feelings, which felt fake and never lasted.
Everything changed when I discovered what I call the “virtuous spiral.” It starts with understanding yourself, extends to understanding others, and naturally leads to real gratitude. Like climbing stairs where each step gives you a wider view.
The breakthrough came through Practical Empathy – four simple steps: observe what’s actually happening, identify feelings, recognize underlying needs, and make positive requests. This helps you see the difference between what you observe versus what you judge.
While writing sample conversations for my book, something unexpected happened. Creating dozens of scenarios where people used empathy tools required me to constantly focus on understanding and connection. This daily practice literally expanded my heart.
I started feeling grateful for the simplest things. My windows. My computer. Even difficult conversations that used to frustrate me. This wasn’t fake positivity – it emerged naturally from genuine understanding.
Gratitude gives me clarity. And clarity helps me show up better for others.
The daily practice works through both real conversations and casual interactions. Small acts of empathy create ripples we rarely see, changing not just how we communicate but how we experience life.
Chapter 9 of “A Practical EmPath: Rewire Your Mind” dives deep into these connections, offering practical tools for growing authentic gratitude through empathy practice. The transformation isn’t about forcing positive feelings – it’s about creating conditions where appreciation naturally happens.
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