I thought gratitude just happened naturally until life got messy. Turns out you can actually grow it on purpose by tuning into feelings and values – yours and others. Here’s how it works.
The story
I used to think gratitude was something you either felt or didn’t. Like it was supposed to just show up on its own, especially when things were going well. But when life got messy – stress piling up, relationships feeling strained, communication breaking down – gratitude felt impossible.
The real problem wasn’t that I was ungrateful. It was that I didn’t know how to access gratitude when I needed it most.
That’s what changed for me when I started practicing Practical Empathy – what I call PEP. I realized gratitude isn’t a mood that randomly appears. It’s something you can actually grow, intentionally, by tuning into feelings, values, and needs – yours and other people’s.
Here’s how it works: When I’m stressed or disconnected, I pause and ask myself what I’m actually feeling. Maybe it’s anxiety. Then I connect that to what I value – security, meaning, connection. Just that simple shift opens up space for gratitude, because suddenly I see what really matters.
I call this the virtuous spiral. It starts with self-empathy, moves to empathy for others, and lands on deeper gratitude. Each step expands your perspective. You start appreciating not just the good stuff, but even the hard moments – what you learned, how you grew.
In Chapter 9 of A Practical EmPath: Rewire Your Mind, I walk through exercises that make this real. Like reflecting on someone who’s impacted your life and actually telling them. Or finding gratitude in something you usually overlook – sunlight, a quiet morning, your own resilience.
When I practice this, my communication becomes more real. People feel tr
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