Real mediation isn’t sitting across from each other arguing. It’s happening in your kitchen, at work, online. Chapter 10 shows how focusing on values instead of positions changes everything.
The story
Most people think mediation means sitting across from each other arguing over who’s right. I used to think that too.
But here’s what I discovered while developing Practical Empathy Practice – real mediation happens everywhere. In your kitchen during family fights. At work when teams clash. Even in online discussions when things get heated.
The old way? Focus on positions. Determine winners and losers. Hope someone backs down.
The new way? Focus on the values and needs underneath all that surface drama.
In Chapter 10 of my book “A Practical EmPath: Rewire Your Mind,” I break down how this shift changes everything. Instead of trying to prove who’s wrong, we start asking why people feel so strongly about their positions.
Here’s the framework that actually works:
First, observe without evaluating. Instead of “she’s being unreasonable,” try “she raised her voice and crossed her arms.” Huge difference in what happens next.
Second, dig into feelings and values. Most conflicts aren’t really about the surface issue – they’re about unmet needs trying to get attention.
Third, make requests that invite collaboration. “Would you mind letting me finish my thought?” hits different than “stop interrupting me.”
I’ve used this approach with everything from family disputes to political disagreements to workplace tension. Same principles, different contexts, but the results are consistent.
The breakthrough happens when people feel genuinely heard. Not agreed with – just understood. That’s when defensive walls come down and real solutions become possible.
This isn’t therapy-speak or academic theory. It’s street-level empathy that works in real conversations with real stakes.
Chapter 10 gives you the specific exercises to practice this approach in your own life.
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