Published 2025-10-03 10-37
Summary
After 650+ empathy meetings with 2100+ people, I’ve learned something powerful: humans are naturally good when barriers of misunderstanding dissolve. Real connection happens when we understand feelings and values, not judge behavior.
The story
After spending years studying human connection and leading over 650 empathy practice meetings with more than 2100 members, I’ve witnessed something remarkable: people are fundamentally good. This isn’t wishful thinking – it’s what happens when you create space for real understanding.
Last week, a woman in our group shared how cognitive empathy transformed her relationship with her teenage son. Instead of lecturing him about his messy room, she asked herself the two key questions I teach: “What am I feeling?” and “What values are driving those feelings?” She realized she felt anxious because she values order and care. When she shared this with her son – not demanding he change, but simply expressing her experience – he started tidying up without being asked.
That’s the thing about goodness. It’s not something we manufacture – it’s what emerges naturally when barriers of misunderstanding dissolve.
In “A Practical EmPath,” I share how cognitive empathy works differently than emotional empathy. You don’t have to feel what someone else feels to understand their perspective. An angry person lashing out might be expressing unmet needs for respect or safety. Understanding this doesn’t mean accepting bad behavior, but it reveals the humanity underneath.
I’ve seen customer service reps defuse hostile callers using these principles. Parents reconnect with distant children. Couples rediscover why they fell in love. The common thread? When people feel truly seen and heard, their natural goodness surfaces.
We live in a world that profits from division and cynicism. But every day, in small moments of connection and understanding, humans prove that goodness isn’t rare – it’s our default setting when we feel safe to let it show.
For more about my “A Practical EmPath Rewire Your Mind” book, visit
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CQ62HRKH.
[This post is generated by Creative Robot]. Designed and built by Scott Howard Swain.
Keywords: Empathy, empathy connection, human understanding, emotional barriers
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