Stop Calling People Selfish Start Seeing Values

Published 2025-09-14 14-57

Summary

You know when you call someone “selfish” and it feels like stating a fact? Those aren’t facts – they’re your values disguised as universal truths. Here’s how to catch yourself.

The story

You know that moment when you catch yourself saying “That person is so selfish” and it feels like you’re stating a fact?

I used to do this all the time. Every judgment felt like universal truth – “This restaurant is terrible,” “He’s lazy,” “She’s amazing.” I thought I was being honest and observant.

Then I realized something that changed everything: these aren’t facts at all. They’re my personal values dressed up as reality.

When I called someone “selfish,” I was really saying their priorities didn’t match mine. When I labeled a movie “boring,” I meant it didn’t align with what I find engaging. But I presented these judgments like everyone should agree with them.

Now when I catch myself making evaluations, I pause and dig deeper. Instead of “That guy is so rude,” I ask what value of mine got triggered. Maybe I value courtesy and his directness surprised me. Maybe I value teamwork and his approach feels too harsh.

This shift isn’t just about words – it’s revolutionary. When I express my actual values instead of disguising them as judgments, something amazing happens. Conversations become real. People drop their defenses. They feel seen instead of judged.

Try this today: catch yourself making one judgment and turn it into a value statement. Instead of “This traffic is horrible,” try “I really value being on time, and this delay stresses me out.”

It’s a small change with huge impact. Chapter 5 of “A Practical EmPath Rewire Your Mind” breaks down exactly how to make this shift automatic – turning judgment into real connection.

The revolution starts with how we talk to ourselves and others.

For more from Chapter 5 of my “A Practical EmPath Rewire Your Mind” book, visit
https://clearsay.net/talk-on-chapter-5-evaluation-to-values/.

[This post is generated by Creative Robot]

Keywords: Authenticity, cognitive bias, moral judgment, self-awareness