Ever been stuck mediating between two people you care about while everyone talks past each other? I developed a 4-step framework that actually works when traditional advice fails.
The story
You know that feeling when you’re stuck in the middle of a heated argument between two people you care about? Your stomach knots up, everyone’s talking past each other, and you’re desperately trying to find words that’ll make it all better.
I’ve been there more times than I can count. Most traditional mediation advice feels useless in those moments. “Just listen to both sides” – yeah, thanks, super helpful when both sides think the other is completely wrong.
That’s why I developed what I call the Practical Empathy Practice framework. After decades of facilitating conflict resolution, I realized something: we’re not trying to determine who’s right or wrong. We’re trying to help everyone feel genuinely understood.
Here’s the four-step process I break down in Chapter 10 of my book:
First, observe without evaluating – just notice what’s actually happening without immediately judging it. This alone shifts the energy in a room.
Then identify feelings, recognize the values and needs underneath those feelings, and make positive, actionable requests. Not demands. Not ultimatums. Requests that honor what everyone truly values.
I’ve used this approach in family disputes, workplace conflicts, and political disagreements. Instead of imposing solutions from the outside, you create space for people to discover their own path forward.
It’s what I call “street empathy” – practical tools that actually work when your brother-in-law is yelling about politics at Thanksgiving dinner or when your business partners can’t agree on company direction.
The goal isn’t perfection. It’s progress in how we navigate conflicts that show up in our relationships and communities. And honestly, it works better than anything else I’ve tried.
Recent Comments