Stop Saying Things You’ll Regret Forever

Published 2025-10-27 09-51

Summary

You know that feeling when anger takes over and you say something you can’t take back? Here’s a four-step method to shift from reactivity to clarity.

The story

You know that feeling when anger takes over and you say something you can’t take back? I used to live there. My body would tense up, my thoughts would race, and before I knew it, I’d be in full defense mode.

The problem isn’t anger itself – it’s what we do with it. Most of us never learned how to work with anger in a healthy way. We either explode or bottle it up, and neither works.

That’s why I developed Practical Empathy Practice, or PEP, which I detail in Chapter 8 of my book. It’s a four-step method that helps you shift from reactivity to clarity.

Here’s how it works:

First, observe the situation without judgment. Instead of “They always ignore me,” stick to facts: “They looked at their phone while I was talking.” This simple shift lowers your emotional temperature immediately.

Second, identify what you’re actually feeling. Anger is usually covering something else – hurt, fear, frustration. Naming the real emotion gives you back control.

Third, recognize what value isn’t being honored. Maybe you need respect or to be heard. Understanding this helps you see anger as useful information, not an enemy.

Fourth, make a clear, positive request. “Could you put your phone down while we talk?” instead of attacking or shutting down.

This isn’t about being nice or suppressing feelings. It’s about using anger as a guide to what matters most, then expressing that without damage.

I practice this on myself first – self-empathy – before trying to understand the other person. Once I’ve calmed my own storm, I can actually connect with them.

The result? Better communication, stro

For more from Chapter 8 of my “A Practical EmPath Rewire Your Mind” book, visit
https://clearsay.net/talk-on-chapter-8-from-anger-to-peace.

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Keywords: RelationshipGoals, anger management, emotional regulation, communication skills