When someone sees you as an enemy, get curious instead of defensive. Behind hostility lies an unheard story. Learn how this approach transforms conflicts into potential connections.
The story
When I meet someone who sees me as an enemy, I don’t try to win them over – I get curious. Behind every hostile glare lies a story I haven’t heard yet.
In Chapter 16 of my book “A Practical EmPath,” I explore why this approach works better than our instincts to defend or withdraw when facing hostility.
I’ve discovered that enemies aren’t born – they’re created through misunderstandings and broken trust. The transformation starts when you shift from thinking “How do I defeat this person?” to “What might they need that they’re not getting?”
This isn’t about surrendering your position. It’s about creating enough safety that real conversation becomes possible. When someone feels truly heard, their defenses naturally soften.
One technique I teach involves temporarily setting aside your own story to see through their eyes without judgment. This often reveals solutions you couldn’t see before.
The hardest part? Staying grounded when someone triggers your own threat response. That’s why I include specific practices to keep you centered during tense moments.
What amazes me most is how often “enemies” become unexpected allies once this bridge forms – not because anyone abandoned their values, but because they found common ground beneath surface disagreements.
Strategic empathy isn’t just conflict resolution – it’s relationship alchemy. And it starts with seeing the human behind the hostility.
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