Learning empathy feels messy at first. People think you sound fake, you feel lonely giving more than you get, and the urge to quit hits hard. But that frustration means you’re doing it right.
The story
Learning empathy isn’t like learning to ride a bike. There’s no moment when you suddenly “get it” and coast forward.
When I was developing Practical Empathy Practice, I had to face some hard truths about what happens when you start this work. The early stages are messy.
Your partner might roll their eyes when you try new communication techniques. Friends might think you sound fake. And honestly? Sometimes you do because you’re still learning.
The hardest part isn’t the skeptical looks. It’s the loneliness. You’re putting in effort to understand others better, but they’re not doing the same for you. You’re giving empathy but not getting it back.
I’ve watched people quit right here. They feel like they’re carrying the emotional weight of every relationship while everyone else gets a free pass. The resentment builds fast.
But here’s what I learned: this imbalance is temporary. The frustration you feel when you’re the only one trying? That’s not a sign you’re doing it wrong. That’s a sign you’re doing it right, but you’re still early in the process.
The people who stick with it discover something beautiful. Real empathy isn’t about keeping score or expecting it back. It’s about changing how you show up in the world, regardless of how others respond.
In Chapter 2 of my book, I walk through these exact challenges. Not to scare you, but to prepare you. Because when you know what’s coming, you can push through instead of giving up.
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