Why Empathy Gives You Strategic Advantage Over Enemies

Published 2025-09-27 07-55

Summary

The most common question in 18 years of teaching empathy: “Why understand someone who hurt me?” Empathy isn’t agreement – it’s your strategic advantage.

The story

I’ve been teaching empathy for 18 years, and the question I get most often is: “Why would I want to understand someone who hurt me?”

Here’s the thing – empathizing with an “enemy” isn’t about becoming a doormat. It’s about gaining a strategic advantage while freeing yourself from carrying their emotional baggage around.

Let me be clear: empathy is not agreement. When I empathize with someone who wronged me, I’m not saying their behavior was okay. I’m temporarily setting aside my filters to understand their perspective – and that understanding becomes my superpower.

Think of it like working out at the gym. When you can empathize with someone difficult, empathizing with everyone else becomes easy. You’re building your empathy muscles with the heaviest weight possible.

But here’s what really surprised me after years of practice: understanding your enemy gives you a huge advantage whether they stay an adversary or become an ally. You see their motivations, their fears, what drives them. That insight is gold.

Plus, carrying anger is exhausting and terrible for your health. When I choose empathy over grudges, I walk away feeling lighter every single time.

The ripple effects blow my mind too. Today’s enemy could be tomorrow’s business partner. I’ve seen hostile relationships transform into strong connections once both people felt truly understood.

And if you’re around kids? They’re watching how you treat people who’ve wronged you. You’re teaching them how to handle conflict for the rest of their lives.

This is exactly what I dive deep into in Chapter 16 of “A Practical EmPath: Rewire Your Mind.” The strategic empathy techniques I share aren’t theory – they’re battle-tested approaches from nearly two decades of practice.

You’re not empathizing to help them. You’re doing it to free yourself and gain the upper hand.

For more from Chapter 16 of my “A Practical EmPath Rewire Your Mind” book, visit
https://clearsay.net/talk-on-chapter-16-why-empathize-with-an-enemy/.

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Keywords: EmpathyInAction, empathy training, strategic empathy, understanding difficult people