Most leaders miss this: while you’re focused on your position, they have their own pressures driving their decisions. Learn cognitive empathy to see the whole board.
The story
Your last negotiation probably felt like a chess match where you couldn’t see half the board.
Here’s what most leaders miss: we focus so hard on our own position that we forget the other person has their own pressures and constraints driving their decisions.
I call this cognitive empathy – and it’s different from just being nice. It’s strategically understanding how they think, what keeps them up at night, and what they really need to say yes.
When I was writing Chapter 19 of “A Practical EmPath,” I kept coming back to this: the best negotiators aren’t the toughest talkers. They’re the ones who can step into someone else’s shoes and see the whole picture.
Think about your last difficult negotiation. What if you had known exactly what the other person was worried about? What if you could have addressed their real concerns while still getting what you needed?
This isn’t about giving in. It’s about finding solutions that work because you actually understand what everyone needs.
Most people think empathy is just something you’re born with. But cognitive empathy is completely learnable. It starts with asking better questions and really listening – not just waiting for your turn to talk.
I’ve seen executives transform their entire approach once they master this. Deals that seemed impossible start coming together. Teams stuck in conflict find common ground.
If you’re tired of negotiations feeling like battles, Chapter 19 breaks down exactly how to develop this skill. It’s not about being soft – it’s about being smart.
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