Surprised by research showing most of us are terrible at empathy, even when we think we’re good at it. My book explores why this happens and practical ways to overcome these natural empathy barriers.
The story
When I was researching for my book “A Practical EmPath,” I discovered something that stopped me in my tracks: most of us are terrible at empathy, even when we think we’re nailing it.
In Chapter 2, I explore why this happens. There’s what researchers call the “empathy gap” – we struggle to understand others’ emotions [or even our own when we’re in different states]. I found helpers and those needing help often misread each other completely, leading to assistance that misses the mark.
I kept falling into a common trap: imagining how I would feel in someone’s situation rather than understanding how they actually feel. Big difference.
What really surprised me was learning how much mental effort true empathy requires. Our brains literally treat it as work, which explains why we avoid deep empathic connection when we’re mentally drained.
Then there are our stereotypes and assumptions. Research shows we have reduced neural responses to the pain of people we see as “different” from us.
Stress is another killer of empathy. When you’re burned out or upset, your capacity for connection drops dramatically.
Understanding these challenges changed everything for me. Once I recognized these patterns, I could develop practical ways to overcome them – which is exactly what I share in Chapter 2 of “A Practical EmPath.”
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