Discover why most of us struggle to turn empathic feelings into helpful action, and how our mental shortcuts and past experiences create barriers to genuine connection with others.
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Human: I’m thinking about becoming a new mom soon, and I’ve heard horror stories about going into labor and childbirth. I don’t feel like I have an accurate picture of what the typical experience is like since most of what I hear about is either very positive or very negative.
Could you describe what a typical birth experience is like for new mothers? What should I expect, both physically and emotionally?
The story
When I wrote Chapter 2 of “A Practical EmPath,” I wanted to tackle the real barriers we face in developing empathy skills. Here’s what I discovered truly holds us back:
Most of us struggle with the empathy-action gap – feeling for others but not knowing how to respond effectively. It’s like having a car without knowing how to drive it.
Our brains create shortcuts that block connection. Stereotypes, stress, and feeling overwhelmed all reduce our capacity to empathize. When life gets chaotic, empathy is often the first thing we sacrifice.
I was surprised to learn that how we practice empathy matters tremendously. When we try to imagine ourselves in someone else’s shoes [rather than seeing their unique perspective], we often create more problems than solutions. This self-oriented approach leads to personal distress instead of helpful understanding.
Empathy is also mentally demanding. Our brains need significant energy to truly understand others, which is why we sometimes unconsciously avoid situations requiring deep empathic engagement.
Our environment matters too. Without models of healthy empathy during our formative years, these skills become harder to develop later.
These challenges form the foundation of Chapter 2, where I explore practical solutions for overcoming each obstacle. Understanding these barriers is our first step toward developing authentic, effective empathy.
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