I learned that forcing positivity actually pushes people away and makes problems worse. When we dismiss struggles with “stay positive,” trust breaks down and real issues get buried.
The story
I used to think being positive was always good. Turns out, I was wrong.
For years, I pushed myself and my teams to “stay positive” no matter what. When someone brought up a problem, I’d look for the bright side. When I felt anxious or frustrated, I’d shove it down and smile.
The result? People stopped being honest with me. Problems got worse. And I felt more disconnected than ever.
I call this the “positivity mask” – that pressure to appear upbeat even when something’s genuinely hard. And it’s doing real damage in our workplaces and relationships.
When we respond to someone’s struggle with “just stay positive,” we’re not helping. We’re dismissing. We’re saying their pain doesn’t matter. So they learn to hide it, and trust breaks down.
In teams, forced positivity kills honest communication. People sense when you only want good news, so they bury problems instead of addressing them. Innovation dies. Performance suffers.
The fix isn’t more positivity. It’s authenticity.
That means allowing the full range of emotions – yours and others’ – without rushing to fix them. It means asking “What’s really happening for you?” instead of offering quick fixes. It means admitting “This is hard” when that’s the truth.
As leaders, our job isn’t to be relentlessly cheerful. It’s to be real. To face challenges head-on. To create space where people can share what’s actually going on.
Clarity comes from facing reality, not denying it. Relationships deepen when we show up whole, not just happy.
I dive deeper into this in Chapter 21 of my book, exploring how acceptance leads to genuine c
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