We talk fast and miss signals – tight jaws, pauses, hidden feelings. Slow down until time feels slower. Presence calms you, helps you listen, builds trust. Chapter 23 teaches PEP: name your judgment, find the need underneath, write it down.
The story
Fast conversations can cause slow damage. In leadership meetings, sales calls, and performance reviews, everyone’s talking, but nothing’s really landing – and time feels like it’s sprinting past. Then we blame “tone” or “attitude,” when the real issue is pace.
When your brain is racing into the future or replaying the past, the present gets thin. You miss the small signals: a tight jaw, an extra pause, a word choice that’s really a feeling dressed up as a fact. Listening falls apart, and “communication skills” turn into verbal ping-pong.
My fix is boring on purpose: slow down until time *feels* slower. Presence lowers anxiety because fear needs future-tripping to stay alive. When you stay here, your body settles, your voice settles, and people tend to match that energy. See how it stacks? Calm presence helps you listen; listening builds trust; trust builds influence.
In Chapter 23 of *A Practical EmPath: Rewire Your Mind*, I teach a practice I’ve used with groups worldwide since 2005: PEP, Practical Empathy Practice. Think of a shame or regret moment. Name the harsh judgment [“stupid,” “wrong”]. Then pivot to the need or value you were trying to meet: safety, connection, recognition, ease. Write: “I did that because I was trying to get more *[need]*.” Acceptance isn’t agreement – it’s just dropping the courtroom.
If you want one conversation this week to feel wider and more human, start with Chapter 23. It trains your pause button.
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