Real empathy isn’t about perfect responses – it’s about dropping the robotic scripts and sounding human while actually connecting. Learn to practice until it becomes natural.
The story
Here’s the thing about empathy that nobody talks about – it’s not about having perfect responses. It’s about sounding like yourself while actually connecting with people.
I used to watch people try my Practical Empathy Practice and sound like robots. “I observe that you’re feeling frustrated because your need for reliability isn’t being met.” Technically correct, but completely cringe.
That’s why I wrote Chapter 6 of my book. Because the real challenge isn’t learning empathy – we’re naturally wired for it. The problem is all the bad communication habits we’ve picked up that block our natural abilities.
Think about it like this. You were born knowing how to connect with people. But somewhere along the way, someone taught you an incredibly clunky way to do it, and now you’re struggling.
The difference between clinical empathy and natural empathy is huge. Instead of that robotic response, you might say “Sounds like you’re really frustrated with me. Are you wanting some consistency in our plans?” Same framework, but it actually sounds human.
I use a Kung Fu analogy. Martial artists practice forms until the moves become second nature. Same with empathy. You practice the structure until it becomes so integrated that authentic responses flow without thinking about steps.
The four-step process I teach – observation, feelings, values, requests – becomes invisible when you master it. Like learning to drive. Eventually you stop thinking about the clutch and gas pedal.
What’s wild is when someone pushes back and says “Why are you talking like a therapist?” You can use empathy even on resistance to empathy. “When you hear me talking like this, does it feel intrusive because you want space?”
Empathy isn’t a personality trait you either have or don’t. It’s a skill you develop until it becomes who you are.
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