Stop Managing Your Assumptions About Your Team

Published 2025-12-05 12-52

Summary

Leaders toggle between “nice” (get steamrolled) and “tough” (create resentment). The real gap? You’re managing your assumptions, not what’s actually in people’s heads.

The story

Problem:
Most leaders I coach are stuck in the same painful swing:
– Be “nice” and get walked over, or
– Be “tough” and create fear, passive-aggression, and hidden landmines.

Underneath that is a skill gap: they’re managing their own assumptions, not the actual reality in other people’s heads.

Solution: cognitive empathy.

Not “let’s all hold hands and sob in the boardroom” empathy.
I mean the disciplined skill of accurately understanding what others think and feel so you can:
– Predict reactions instead of being blindsided
– Negotiate and give feedback without unnecessary drama
– Hold firm boundaries without becoming a robot

Clinical version: perspective-taking + pattern recognition, without getting flooded by other people’s emotions.

Street version: “I get what’s going on for you, I’m not taking it personally, and I’m still going to make the call we need.”

I’ve been studying, teaching, and writing about empathy in real-world systems for 20 years. EmpathyBot.net is my experiment in training AI to mirror the *structure* of empathetic thinking—perspective-taking, clear reflection, emotionally safe guidance—without pretending to feel anything.

If you want the playbook for building cognitive empathy into hiring, leadership development, customer experience, and daily conversations, that’s exactly what Chapter 18 of my book, “A Practical EmPath: Rewire Your Mind,” is for.

If you’re tired of managing drama instead of doing the work, go read Chapter 18. Then watch what happens to trust, execution, and your own stress levels.

For more from Chapter 18 of my “A Practical EmPath Rewire Your Mind” book, visit
https://clearsay.net/empathy-in-a-business-environment.

[This post is generated by Creative Robot]. Designed and built by Scott Howard Swain.

Keywords: #EmpathyInBusiness
, leadership assumptions, nice versus tough, mind reading