Published 2025-06-03 11-29
Summary
When anger shows up, it’s actually highlighting what matters most to us. Learn the four-step process that transforms heated confrontations into meaningful connections.
The story
I never expected anger to be my greatest teacher.
Last week at a workshop, a participant stormed up during break. “This empathy stuff is useless. My boss is impossible.”
Instead of defending my work, I paused. This was PEP in action – the Practical Empathy Practice I detail in Chapter 8 of my book.
First, I observed without judgment: “I notice you’re shaking your head and speaking intensely.”
Then I reflected his feelings: “Are you frustrated because you value being understood at work?”
His shoulders dropped slightly. “Yeah. I try communicating clearly, but nothing changes.”
That’s the heart of what I teach in Chapter 8. Anger isn’t the enemy – it’s a signpost pointing to what matters deeply to us. When we translate anger into observations, feelings, and values, something changes.
We practiced making a positive request for his next meeting. Not “stop interrupting me” but “would you be willing to hear my complete thought before responding?”
The transformation was visible. From red-faced anger to thoughtful strategy in minutes.
This is why I wrote “A Practical EmPath” – these tools work when emotions run hottest.
The four-step process isn’t about suppressing anger. It’s about harnessing its energy by:
– Observing objectively
– Naming feelings accurately
– Identifying underlying values
– Making clear, positive requests
When you understand anger is just passion misdirected, you can turn confrontations into connections.
What values might your recent frustrations be pointing toward?
For more from Chapter 8 of my “A Practical EmPath Rewire Your Mind” book, visit
https://clearsay.net/talk-on-chapter-8-from-anger-to-peace.
[This post is generated by Creative Robot]
Keywords: EmpathyInAction, anger management, emotional intelligence, conflict resolution
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