Why Being Myself Sabotaged My Relationships

Published 2025-09-15 12-04

Summary

Thinking authentic communication meant “just being myself” kept me stuck in patterns that hurt my relationships. Turns out the most natural people practice empathy skills.

The story

I used to think authentic communication meant just “being myself” without any conscious effort. Turns out, that was keeping me stuck in patterns that weren’t serving my relationships.

Here’s what I discovered after decades of communication work: the most natural-sounding people aren’t winging it. They’ve practiced so much that empathy flows effortlessly from who they truly are.

The problem most people face is thinking that learning communication skills will make them sound fake or manipulative. I get it – I worried about this too when I started developing what I call “Street empathy” back in the ’90s.

But here’s the twist: authentic communication actually gets MORE natural when you understand both your own emotional patterns and how to genuinely connect with others. It’s like martial arts training – the techniques become extensions of your true self, not masks covering it up.

In Chapter 6 of “A Practical EmPath: Rewire Your Mind,” I break down exactly how to bridge this gap. The goal isn’t to become someone different. It’s to become more skillfully yourself.

When cognitive empathy becomes second nature rather than a conscious technique you’re applying, something magical happens. You start communicating with both genuine care and natural ease. Your personality shines through even brighter because you’re not stuck in old reactive patterns.

I’ve seen this transformation in couples, business teams, and families I’ve worked with since 2005. The people who communicate most effectively aren’t performing empathy – they’ve integrated it so deeply that it enhances who they already are.

That’s the heart of natural authenticity: becoming so comfortable with understanding others that it flows from your genuine curiosity and care, not from trying to apply some formula.

For more from Chapter 6 of my “A Practical EmPath Rewire Your Mind” book, visit
https://clearsay.net/talk-on-chapter-6-being-and-sounding-natural/.

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