Ever tell someone “just think positive” when they’re struggling? Turns out that’s making things worse. Forced positivity damages relationships and kills real communication.
The story
Ever tell someone “just think positive” when they’re struggling?
I used to do this all the time. Thought I was helping.
Turns out I was making things worse.
Here’s what I learned: forced positivity actually damages relationships and kills real communication.
When we rush to fix someone’s “negative” emotions with sunshine and rainbows, we’re basically saying their feelings don’t matter. We’re putting our own comfort first.
I see this constantly with business leaders. Someone brings up a real problem, and the response is “let’s focus on solutions” or “we need to stay positive here.”
But here’s the thing – those “negative” emotions contain crucial information. They’re telling us something needs attention. When we bypass them with fake positivity, we miss opportunities to solve actual issues.
Real empathy means sitting with discomfort sometimes. It means saying “that sounds really tough” instead of “at least you have your health.”
The most effective leaders I know understand this. They create space for people to feel heard before moving toward solutions. They know that validating someone’s struggle doesn’t mean staying stuck there forever.
Sometimes the most positive thing you can do is acknowledge that something really sucks.
Your people will trust you more when you stop trying to fix their feelings and start actually listening to them.
I break down exactly when positivity becomes toxic in Chapter 21 of “A Practical EmPath: Rewire Your Mind” – and how to recognize the difference between genuine optimism and emotional bypassing.
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