Your Brain’s Bad Wiring Ruins Good Relationships

Published 2025-11-24 12-43

Summary

Your relationships aren’t failing because you’re not trying hard enough – they’re struggling because you’re working with faulty wiring that makes you react before you understand.

The story

Your relationships aren’t failing because you’re not trying hard enough. They’re struggling because you’re working with faulty wiring.

Most of us react before we understand – ourselves or anyone else. Someone cuts us off in traffic, our partner forgets to text back, a coworker takes credit for our idea – and boom. We’re flooded with emotion, defending, attacking, or shutting down before we even know what we’re actually feeling.

Here’s what I’ve learned: You can’t genuinely connect with another person until you can identify what’s happening inside you first.

In Chapter 1 of my book, *A Practical EmPath: Rewire Your Mind*, I introduce Practical Empathy Practice – a framework for rewiring how you communicate with yourself and others. Not tips. Not scripts. A complete shift in how you see and respond.

Start here: When you feel a strong reaction, pause and ask yourself two questions:
– What words describe how I feel about this?
– What values or needs are driving those feelings?

That anger when someone interrupts you? Dig deeper. Maybe it’s about respect. Recognition. Being heard.

Once you understand your own why, you can approach others with curiosity instead of judgment. That’s cognitive empathy – seeing their perspective without defending or agreeing. Just accepting that their experience is real for them.

Then comes authenticity. Not the Instagram kind – the uncomfortable kind. Saying “I’m feeling hurt because I value consideration” instead of “You’re so inconsiderate.” Self-owned statements. Direct truth. No blame.

This isn’t about sounding perfect. Early on, these re

For more from Chapter 1 of my “A Practical EmPath Rewire Your Mind” book, visit
https://clearsay.net/chapter-1-primary-advantages-of-practical-empathy.

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Keywords: CommunicationSkills, faulty wiring, reactive patterns, relationship struggles