Most of us mistake our judgments for facts. I discovered 5 ways we disguise personal evaluations as truth while writing my book – it transformed how I communicate and connect with people.
The story
Most of us think we’re stating facts when we’re actually sharing judgments. I figured this out while writing Chapter 5 of my book, and it completely changed how I communicate.
Here are 5 ways we disguise evaluations as truth:
1. The “Lazy” Label
When I say someone’s lazy, I’m really saying I value productivity and feel frustrated when tasks go unfinished. The person isn’t inherently lazy – that’s my judgment based on my values.
2. Movie Reviews as Universal Truth
“That movie was terrible” sounds like fact, but it’s actually “I prefer different storytelling styles.” Even positive judgments like “she’s the best” are just our personal preferences dressed up as reality.
3. The “To Be” Trap
Our language reinforces this. When we say “he IS selfish,” we’re cementing a judgment as permanent truth. What if we said “I feel unheard when my needs aren’t considered”?
4. Hidden Values Everywhere
Every evaluation carries hidden values. “This restaurant is overpriced” really means “I value getting good portions for my money.” Once you see this, conversations become way more honest.
5. The Empathy Shift
Instead of judging, I started asking: what values or needs are driving this? This simple switch transformed my relationships. People felt heard instead of criticized.
Chapter 5 of “A Practical EmPath: Rewire Your Mind” dives deep into these patterns with exercises that help you catch evaluations before they slip out. It’s about building cognitive empathy – seeing through someone else’s lens instead of rushing to judgment.
The goal isn’t to eliminate all opinions, but to own them as yours rather than presenting them as universal facts.
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