Overheard an argument that revealed how judgment language blocks connection. Learn to express values instead of evaluations—it transforms relationships. Chapter 5 of my book shows how.
The story
I was sitting in a coffee shop yesterday when I overheard a heated argument. The woman said, “That’s completely unreasonable!” and the man replied, “Well, you’re being ridiculous!”
It hit me how quickly we fall into judgment patterns. Neither person was expressing what actually mattered to them—just evaluations of each other.
This is exactly why I wrote Chapter 5 of “A Practical EmPath.” When we make judgments like “that’s wrong” or “she’s selfish,” we create barriers that shut down connection.
The shift happens when we use value statements instead. Rather than “that meeting was a waste of time,” try “I value efficiency and clear outcomes in meetings.”
This simple change moves us from attacking to sharing, from pushing away to inviting closer.
I still practice this daily. Yesterday, I caught myself thinking “this line is moving too slowly” and shifted to “I value promptness because I have other commitments today.”
The first creates frustration; the second creates understanding—even within myself.
This single practice has transformed my relationships more than almost anything else I’ve learned. When people hear what matters to us rather than how we’re judging them, real conversation becomes possible.
If you’re struggling with difficult conversations, Chapter 5 might offer the shift you’re looking for. It’s about creating clarity by speaking from values rather than judgments.
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