Discover how to transform arguments with the 4-step Practical Empathy Practice. Break the anger cycle and turn conflicts into connections instead of shouting matches.
The story
Ever catch yourself midway through a heated argument thinking, “How did I get here?” I’ve been there too.
In Chapter 8 of my book “A Practical EmPath: Rewire Your Mind,” I share how to transform reactive anger into peaceful understanding through what I call Practical Empathy Practice [PEP].
The key insight? Anger follows a pattern: we observe something, evaluate it negatively, feel emotions surge, then react – usually making things worse.
PEP breaks this cycle with four steps:
1. Describe what happened without judgment
2. Identify your feelings honestly
3. Recognize what values feel threatened
4. Make a clear, positive request
The most powerful shift comes from separating observations from evaluations. When someone’s late, saying “You arrived 20 minutes after our agreed time” [observation] opens dialogue, while “You’re inconsiderate” [evaluation] triggers defensiveness.
Since founding the Practical Empathy Practice Group in 2015, I’ve seen this approach transform thousands of relationships. It’s practical, not just theoretical.
The journey isn’t always smooth – early attempts might feel awkward. That’s normal. But instead of arguments escalating into shouting matches, they become opportunities for deeper connection.
Want to transform your anger responses? Chapter 8 walks you through this process step by step.
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