Discover how distinguishing between judgments and genuine observations transformed my communication style completely. A simple language shift that built deeper connections in all my relationships.
The story
I used to think I was just being honest when I’d say things like “that meeting was a disaster” or “he’s so incompetent.” I believed these were objective observations anyone would agree with.
Then I realized: these weren’t facts. They were my judgments, filtered through my values, masquerading as universal truths.
This insight changed everything about how I communicate.
Before: “This book is brilliant.” [Evaluation presented as fact]
After: “This book resonated deeply with me because it addresses values I care about.” [Value statement that owns my perspective]
Before: “She’s being so difficult.” [Judgment]
After: “I’m feeling frustrated because I value efficiency, and I need more clarity to move forward.” [Feeling + value + need]
In Chapter 5 of “A Practical EmPath,” I break down this transformation through what I call Practical Empathy Practice [PEP] – a four-step process that creates authentic connection without imposing our reality on others.
What surprised me most was discovering how even positive evaluations can be problematic. Telling someone “you’re amazing” might seem kind, but it still imposes our value system.
The shift from evaluation to value-based language isn’t just about avoiding conflict. It’s about creating relationships built on empathy rather than dominance.
When we stop disguising our opinions as facts, we open the door to genuine understanding.
This simple language shift has profoundly changed my relationships. It might just transform yours too.
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