Transform judgment into discovery. When your mind says “he’s selfish,” ask what value that reveals. This simple shift creates understanding instead of barriers in relationships.
The story
I used to think I was a judgmental person. That voice in my head constantly evaluated others: “He’s so selfish,” “She’s always late,” “They never listen.”
Then I realized something life-changing – these judgments weren’t flaws. They were signposts pointing to what I truly valued.
When I caught myself thinking “he’s selfish,” I paused and asked: “What value is underneath this evaluation?” The answer: I deeply value generosity.
This simple shift – from judgment to value – changed everything.
We all make evaluations constantly. Our brains are wired to compare and sort. The question isn’t whether we judge [we do], but what we do with those judgments.
When someone says “That was rude,” conversation often stops. But when they say “I value respect in our interactions,” understanding begins.
I’m not suggesting we suppress judgments. Instead, let’s use each judgment as a doorway to discover what matters most.
In my book “A Practical EmPath,” Chapter 5 focuses on this practice because it’s transformed my relationships. When we convert evaluations to value statements, we create bridges instead of barriers.
Next time you catch yourself judging, try asking: “What value is underneath this thought?” You might be surprised at what you discover about yourself.
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