Rushing to fix team struggles with positivity actually backfires. Research shows it makes people feel unheard and teaches them to hide real feelings instead of addressing them.
The story
When someone on your team is struggling, your first instinct is probably to fix it. Jump in with solutions, offer reassurance, or redirect to something positive. I get it – leaders hate seeing their people in pain.
But here’s what research reveals – this well-meaning impulse often backfires completely.
The data shows something uncomfortable: When we rush to “positive-spin” someone’s struggles, we’re actually sending a message that their feelings are problematic and should be hidden. Instead of creating psychological safety, we’re doing the opposite.
Think about your last team meeting when someone expressed frustration. Did you immediately pivot to silver linings? That employee likely walked away feeling unheard, not uplifted.
The pattern is clear: Forced positivity creates distance, not connection. It teaches people to mask their real experiences rather than address them authentically.
Here’s what works better – empathetic presence. This means sitting with someone’s difficulty without immediately trying to eliminate it. It sends a different message: “Your experience matters. You’re welcome here, all of you.”
Three practical shifts:
– Ask before advising: “Do you want solutions or just need to be heard?”
– Check effectiveness: “Was that helpful to hear?”
– Choose connection over correction: Sometimes the most powerful leadership move is simply witnessing someone’s struggle without fixing it.
When we consistently respond to difficult emotions with forced positivity, we’re training our teams that authenticity isn’t safe here.
Real leadership isn’t about eliminating discomfort – it’s about creating space where people can be genuinely human.
I dive deeper into this in Chapter 21 of “A Practical EmPath: Rewire Your Mind.”
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