Discover how owning your emotions, dropping judgment, resisting the fix-it urge, understanding core needs, and practicing cognitive empathy can transform your relationships from the ground up.
The story
5 crucial lessons from my PEP approach that changed my relationships forever:
1. Own your emotional kingdom
Nobody “makes” you feel anything. Events trigger emotions, but you choose how to respond. When I stopped handing others the keys to my feelings, everything changed. My relationships transformed once I took responsibility for my emotional reactions.
2. Ditch the judgment language
There’s a huge difference between “George was rude” and “George said I was lying.” One is judgment, one is observation. I stick to what a camera would record, not my interpretation. This opens doors to understanding.
3. Stop trying to fix everyone
That urge to jump in with advice or reassurance? It usually backfires. Real connection happens when I resist the fix-it impulse and focus on understanding first.
4. Treat needs and values as the same thing
In PEP, I use these terms interchangeably because they function similarly. Understanding what values are alive in someone is where connection begins. Speaking about “values” and “wants” creates clarity.
5. Choose cognitive empathy over sympathy
Understanding someone’s viewpoint without merging emotionally with them creates healthier boundaries. This distinction makes all the difference.
I dig into these principles much deeper in Chapter 3 of my book “A Practical EmPath: Rewire Your Mind” if you’re ready to transform your communication.
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